Go down any halfway reasonable checklist for what constitutes a modern hipster, and Ill stand up well. Tattoos and black-rimmed glasses? Check. Tight jeans and undersized hoodies with retro sneakers? Every day. I work in the media and spend most of my nights out at clubs, bouncing from one trendy cocktail bar to the hot new restaurant opening where—surprise! —I regularly upload photos of my exploits to Instagram. I wont drink a cocktail unless its made with an intensely bitter spirit like Fernet. I spent years playing in an indie rock band. Most of my friends are in bands or are DJs or bartenders or bloggers. This is hard to say, but its important to fess up to: I always know the door guy.I know that all sounds corny to state so baldly, but Id be lying otherwise. Its important to recognize ourselves as we are, and voracious self-deprecating self-awareness is itself a form of literary-hipsterdom. Speaking of which, Ive read all the important books, and know about all the important bands, and I regularly thread these facts into conversations in such a way designed to make my taste appear superior to the tastes of those around me—even if its to point out how much better I am at having bad taste than others, opting for a broad, anything-goes populism that allows me to consume lowbrow popular culture filtered through an assumed intellectualized lens. In fact, Im so hip I know that there isnt even such a thing as an important band. I play up my working-class roots when the situation calls for it, and my educated media persona when that fits better. Im a social chameleon, a voracious consumer of culture who knows how to use it as a weapon or as a salve. I studied poetry in school, for Christs sake.