nah : 07.2013 : wooks & festivals (Unordered)

“So I’m at IT, and it’s right after the Tower set so a fresh sense of rock had taken over my crew and the crowd in general. Me and my boy Toasty Phil(who had just dropped a 10 strip) headed out into the night to find some rolls so we could keep brappin’ through the early morn. So we walk for about 5 minutes, TP(we call toasty phil TP for short), is hollerin’ “Anybody seen Molly”? Eventually this dude with massive Brahb Marley dreads approaches us, and introduces himself as “Fatty McSchwillbucks”, no joke. Dude is mad faded and can barely make out a complete sentence but he says he’s got the firemost mahldawgs if we come over to his tent, so we follow him, smelling his distinct aroma of day old grillt cheez and burnt sage. So we arrive at his “tent”, which is really just one of those old ass blue tarps with some sticks holding it up. It doesn’t even have sidewalls and inside is his sisbrah, who goes by “Raindor”, sitting on a moldy looking quilt made from what looked like old lot shirts. At this point the cid Toasty phil had eaten earlier was kicking in hard and his eyes were opening like Pandora’s vagina, nearly shooting laserbeams into Raindor. Anywho, I ask for the rolls and Fatty McScwhill remembers that’s why he brought us into his wookden in the first place. He agrees and goes around the side of another tent(one of those huge multiroom things) where we can’t see him, I just kind of assume he’s breaking into his wook roll stash back there. So Toasty Phil is still kind of flipping out a bit, and out of fucking nowhere some dude comes running up in a giant fucking Easter Bunny costume. Little did dude know Toasty Phil had a pretty traumatic experience with one of his uncles dressed as the Easter Bunny in 2nd grade, and he was also tripping balls at this point, and in no shape for an odd emotional blast from the past. So the fight-or-flight reaction kicks in, and Toasty Phil flew, but not very well. He sort of started running before he turned around and saw what was there and he ran straight into the giant tent that Fatty McSchwillbucks was behind. Nobodies in the tent thank God, but the thing basically collapses as Toasty Phil eats shit into the ground, and the whole thing basically falls over right onto Fatty. Meanwhile, the Easter Bunny and Raindor, who has lit up a bowl of deemsters, are observing this shit like it’s a movie. So naturally Fatty starts flipping out flopping around like a dolphin in a tuna net, all trapped under the tent. I run over and throw Toasty P off and rip the tent off Fatty, and I discover the worst smell and sight I’ve seen in years. Dude is covered in shit, like nasty, nasty shit, and lots of it. As I look into the fresh shit caked onto him and he flips the fuck out, I see little pills lodged in the poop that he’s rapidly trying to get off him. As it turns out, he went behind the tent to count the pills, but then had sudden violent diahrrea, and so he ripped his pants off quick and started shitting wildly with the rolls in the now open bag in front of him. Cue the Easter Bunny and Toasty Phil. So while the Easter Bunny, Raindor, and Fatty stood amazed and somewhat shit covered in a daze, I grabbed about 13 rolls off the ground as quick as I could and ran back to my crews homebase. We washed the wookshit off with Clearly Canadian Grape and had an amazing night. After all this Toasty Phil ran off while I got the tent off Fatty, I didn’t see him again for 3 weeks when he showed up at my doorstep in Chico, CA. He had no idea what had happened, good think I didn’t eat that acid, it must have been some epic research chemical shit.”